Lifescope: How do I prepare my son for Sleep Away Camp?

Moderated by Shloimy Blau

The Voice of Lakewood welcomes your questions regarding real life issues on such topics as chinuch, shalom bayis and hashkafah, for its bi-weekly column.

Questions selected will be answered by Lakewood rabbonim and mechanchim(os). Please fax questions to 732-901-5742 or email to hashkafa@thevoiceoflakewood.com

We would like to thank Rabbi Moshe Hillel Drew, Director of the Technology Awareness Group (TAG) and a chinuch consultant, for answering the question in this column.

Q: I registered my son for sleep-away camp for the second half of the summer. I’ve heard so much recently about the dangers in sleep-away camps today. How can I protect and prepare my son for the environment he’ll soon be facing?

Rabbi Drew: You are correct to note that sleep-away camp poses several challenges to parents, some of which have been significantly exacerbated in recent years. Parents should bear in mind that sleep-away camp isn’t a must. There are often other alternatives available, including an extended family trip where parents and children can spend happy quality time together, if logistically possible.

On the other hand, there is also merit in sending your son to a responsible, Torahdike camp, where he’ll be able to relax and rejuvenate after a full year in yeshiva. However, parents who bury their heads in the sand about what their son might be facing are doing a great disservice to him. The fact that you’re aware of this reality and are trying to tackle it is a positive step in the right direction.

First, I’d like to mention one challenge that I believe is largely overlooked.

I’ve come across numerous instances when even healthy, mature teenage boys had difficulty leaving home and adapting to a round-the-clock camp environment. Boys in camp are under lots of pressure to perform socially, athletically and in other areas and might sometimes be subject to aggressive bunkmates. Please keep an eye out for how calmly your son is adjusting to camp and try to sense whether he’s comfortable or homesick. If he seems seriously uncomfortable, don’t try to ignore it. Consult with camp staff and/or professionals and try to work it out in an optimal way. The adaptability that you can teach him will serve him well for future life adjustments.

Another danger that has unfortunately not disappeared from the scene regards inappropriate physical contact that campers can have with other campers or staff members. Please educate him about this threat and urge him to immediately report any violations.

Perhaps the greatest danger these days is the possibility that he’ll be exposed to inappropriate music, visual entertainment or ideas through his friends. Electronic devices that can connect innocent neshamos to the utmost depravity are unfortunately very accessible and easy to hide. While this threat exists all year round, camp’s isolated location, less intense atmosphere and more diverse student body make the challenge, despite the best efforts of camp staff, inherently greater.

The first step to deal with this problem, I believe, is to openly discuss it with your son prior to his departure for camp. You should certainly not deride the group of campers that he’ll be joining. However, you can tell him that although the boys are fine overall, and he should enjoy their company, not every child’s activity is on par with the level of chinuch that you strive for. Help him to recognize and appreciate the great heights in Torah and yiras Shomayim he has attained throughout the year, and he’ll hopefully be driven enough to protect it.

Of course, preparation is not enough; you must know what’s actually transpiring during his weeks away from home. Unfortunately, too many parents feel that during camp weeks they can take a vacation from being mechanech their children and leave it all in the hands of camp staff. This attitude is unrealistic. Camp staff can never be adequately aware of every camper’s development. Most of all, a parent’s chinuch can never be replaced.

Parents should call their son’s counselor to monitor his situation at least once over the summer, and they should take a keen interest in his adjustment, schedule, etc., when consulting with counselors and rebbeim on Visiting Day. If a boy is having distinct difficulty adhering to his schedule and learning/activity routine or is showing tension and irritability, these can be warning signs of something unsavory brewing beneath the surface.

I’d advise parents to contact their son’s summer rebbe prior to or at the beginning of the summer. (Of course, a boy shouldn’t be put under undue pressure over the summer; this is his time to relax. Please keep the level of contact below his radar screen.)

The fact that the camp staff will know of your devoted interest will encourage them to take special note of your child’s situation. A note of appreciation or a tip to the best of your abilities will go a long way to show rebbeim and counselors the value you place on their efforts on your behalf.

Furthermore, parents should keep the kesher with their child intact over the summer. They should call him on occasion or send a surprise package. A reminder of the great, loving parents he has will help him fight any temptation to disappoint them.

Similarly, when a boy returns home from camp, parents should take note of his behavior. Any parent properly in tune with their child will easily recognize any worrisome change of behavior, whether schedule abnormalities, a more introverted or aggressive nature, or unhappiness and tension. Any such signs can point to his exposure to negative material or a harsh social environment.

As always, effective communication is among the most potent tools of a healthy parent-child relationship. Try to openly discuss his experiences and any challenges that he faced. If you discover any red flags, please make sure to immediately contact a competent mechanech or professional to help him overcome his slip.

Last but not least, we can never stop davening for the siyatta d’Shmaya necessary to protect our precious children during these perilous times.

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